


"This one time, at band camp..."

by sakagucci



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boy Band, Band camp, Camp, Crossdressing, F/F, F/M, Girl Band, M/M, Multi, Sexual Experimentation, disguised as a boy, lame sasha, lesbians galore, otaku armin, shojo beat life, teenage!everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-12 02:34:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2092404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakagucci/pseuds/sakagucci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin is a flute playing, yaoigaypornboyslove loving otaku. He's not good at making friends because he's really sassy and has weird phobias. However, he's forced to face annoying people and his fear of tacos when his grandpa sends Armin-who can't sing or dance and hates working in groups-to BOY band camp instead of band camp!!! But hey, at least there'll be hot guys everywhere. </p><p>Sasha is a moody, pocky loving bastard that is head over heels with her neighbor, Connie Springer. When he leaves for the summer to go to boy band camp, Sasha is disgusted, and also determined to be with him all summer so she joins boy band camp as Mr. Sacha Blouse in order to get her boy next door to fall for her. Her life is a goddamn Shojo Beat Manga.</p><p>How will this summer go down for this pair of misfits????? Will Armin make friends??????? Facebook friends?????????? Will Sasha make Connie fall for her??????????? Find out!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The calm before the storm

**Author's Note:**

> Btw I changed the rating from Teen to explicit because of the cursing. I don't know how accurate that is, but I think it makes sense.

This is the story of kid.  A sassy yet kawaii!( ＾◡＾)  kid in need of a better haircut.  His name....... Is Armin Arlert. Armin did not defend humanity from ginormous humanoid beasts. Armin played the flute. It was summer vacation, and Armin's granddad was getting sick of him so.......

"Signed you up for bandcamp arm _in_." granddad said.

"wueeeet?" Armin called from his computer room.

_Clunk clunk_

Raggedy grandpa shoes came down the hall towards the computer room holy hell shitake mushrooms !!!!

 _shitakkkkkkE!!!!_ *internal shounen jump yell*

_new tab, Armin new tab_

He closed out of the yaoigaypornboyslove just as grandad walked in.

"Manga again?" Grandpa asked.

"Noooo grandpa, summer work. Duhhh"

"Ok liar. I signed u up for band camp, k?"

"Wueeeeee-"

"Shut !"

Grandpa handed his little blond man a flyer he printed from the interwebs. It had Armin's name on it.

GRANDPA DID IT WITHOUT MY CONSENT THAT FUCKTOAD

jk

"ohhhhh yay." Armin said. notexcited

"It's in two days and you're going. Pack your booty shorts and stilletos."

"Oh gee."

Unfortunately, Armin did not own stilletos so he could only pack booty shorts.

 _This shouldn't be bad. It's only... Three whole weeks...and anyway, I love playing the flute. more than I love yaoigaypornboyslove._ _  
_

Armin packed his flute.

 

* * *

 

 

When the Arlerts pulled up into the camp parking lot, stupid protagonist grandson Armin pulled out the flyer and peered at it.

" _BOY_ BAND CAMP???"

"Yea, I told you that." Grandad said.

"You said _band_ camp, not _boy_ band camp."

**Damn, pops.**

"Well there's boys everywhere, so you should be happy, fagget." Grandpa said. (insert typical sassy anime grandparent characteristics like Aoba's grandma)

"Watch your use of fagget gramps."

"I'm old, hush."

Armin rolled his eyes. "I packed a flute and sheet music, Granddad, not a headset and guyliner."

"Stop complaining, slut."

**Damn, pops!**

Grandad got out of the car to unlock the trunk.

Armin got his bag from the trunk and sighed. "Are you really making me stay?"

"Yes, duh."

'Yes duh.' Famous last words. Until three weeks of course.

Annoyed old man got back in his van and drove off, leaving Armin in the parking lot.

Armin was officially trapped at this flukeass boy band camp for threeeeee weeeeeks.

 

* * *

The first night was alright. lol that rhymes. Everyone had to leave their luggage outside of the cabin house because rooming assignments were after dinner. Things like rooming assignments gave Armin nervous gas. 

Also, he felt super alone at first and he didn't like tacos.  Where to sit? What to eat? Armin just got a fruit cup and some salad.

But den!!!!

A boy!

This lousy brown haired kid was by himself too, eating one of those creepy tacos.  

Literally, Armin was afraid of tacos, man.

But he creeped over to the brown haired kid antywayz.

"Eh." Armin said. So bold so brass so man.

!

Brownie just looked up. *Taco bite*

*Wince*

"Eh." Brownie said finally. Some beef fell from his mouth. (Guaranteed nightmares 4 Arm In)

"I'm Armin Arlert," Armin said, shivering from the beef.

"Arm In Alert?" The boy asked.

_No bitch._

" _Arm_ in _Ar_ lert." Armin corrected politely.

"I'm Jeager." Jeager held out a taco tainted hand.

Armin looked at it hestitantly.

"I don't bite...humans..." (Titan joke lol) Jeager said with a smirk.

Mmm but he was sexiiiiii !!!!1!1

"I have a taco phobia." Armin fuckboymuttered.

_Yea right, asshole. That's what Brownie is thinkin rn_

Jeager shoved the rest of his taco into his mouth.

"I don't see any tacos," Jeager said with a full mouth.

_Yea, but I do. In your fuckass mouth._

Armin smiled.

Somehow they started a conversation and eventually they learned that they had similar experieces that day.

"My mom told me I was going to band camp. II play the trombone. Can't sing or dance. " Jeager explaied.

Armin beamed. "Me either! I wanted band camp too! I play the flute!"

"Jesis."

"Ikr broski."

Jeager drummed his knuckles on the table. "I'm nervous for tomorrow. Camp activities start tomorrow. We actually have to do this boy band thing. What if we have to form groups?"

"I'll be in your group, Jeager." Armin said with a smile. Seriously, Jeager's pretty ass face might actually get him through these three weeks.

"I never thought I was good at making friends." Jeager said. "But I guess I underestimated myself."

Armin beamed.

*Typical melodramatic lifechanging event for an anime protagonist (1)*

Jeager and Armin just beamed at each other for like 10 seconds with little pink happyblushing lines over their cheeks. 

(｡・//ε//・｡)

Jeager leaned across the table. "But hey, Armin, I heard there's a girl group camp next door." He had a creepy smile  

_Damn it he likes vag !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Fuckeditup. Ruined the moment. Congrats.

"Oh...!" Armin tried to make a 'secretive pervy i wanna see panties' face, but he ended up looking constapated.

"You okay, man?" Jeager asked.

Jeager's 'you ok man' face was hella sexy yo

"Y-yea... It's just..." Armin looked around. "Ya know... The tacos. They're everywhere."

_Lyin beech_

"Oh! Sorry about that." Jeager patted Armin on the shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner/Fear Factor was finally over and everyone lined up outside of the cabin house with their shit in hand.

Jeager didn't get roomed with Armin. He got roomed with this short emo kid named Ackerman.

And Armin got roomed with this prick named Jean.  

_Oh, lame._

Jean made a face when Armin followed him into the building.

"Oh geez," Jean muttered.

Armin wanted to shank his skinny ass.

The rooms were just a bunk bed and a floor and a window. They were small.

"So it's pretty obvi u want the bottom," Jean said, placing his pillow and sleeping bag on the top bunk. He was taller than Armin by more than a couple inches.

For someone with a problem with homosexuals it's weird that Jean would want to be at a boy band camp. Like hello sausage fest hello

"Mm yea whatevr . Yea it's obvi you top fuckin flamer." Armin retorted. 

**Daaaaayummmmm Arlertttttttt**

Things were starting off great.

Bed time came. Armin was in his sleeping bag after he brushed his cute little pearls, and Jean made another jerk off comment to say good night.

"I'm here to get a peek at that girl camp next door. I'm not here for any _gay_ shit."

"Literally, Jean, you could have gone to a camp that wasn't exclusively for guys, you actual fucktoad." Armin said.

"You're not bad for a homo." Jean said. There was an obnoxious toad smile in his voice.

"Then don't call me a homo," Armin said. The fight for equality rose in his throat.

Jean didn't say anything after that. They fell asleep. More bickering tomorrow, boiz.

 **  
**~  End of day one at boy band camp. ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up next: chapter two - mr. sacha blouse


	2. Mr. Sacha Blouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's not a typo. I wanted to use an alternative spelling for Sasha (which is a gender-neutral name if you didn't know)

This is the story of a kid with brown hair. Her name is Sasha. She likes Pocky. Like, every flavor, even the flavors that would seem gross like soy bean. It’s pretty dumb to be obsessed with little biscuit sticks, but Sasha doesn’t just like things, she obsesses. More than Pocky, Sasha is obsessed with her next door neighbor; a boy named Connie Springer.

It was summer. The summer before senior year. Sasha was determined to have the best year possible, and she would start it off with an actual human, breathing boyfriend. That boy had to be Connie.

 _he gonna luv meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee_ : read more about Sasha's adventures in this month's issue of Shojo Beat ...........

 

* * *

 

For breakfast that morning, Sasha had a glass of strawberry milk and some strawberry Pocky in her Beatles t-shirt and underwear with tiny strawberries all over.

Dad came in the kitchen.

got dam !

“Dad i'm practically nekkedd!” Sasha

“SSh put on pants, jesis,” Dad said. His beard was kind of long, he looked like a pioneer/indie band singer born in the 90’s that think she’s an actual _FUCKING_ pioneer !!!!!!

Sasha ran to her room, crying.

Just kidding.

she brought her breakfast with her and splashed milk all over the wooden floor, which her dog licked up.

In her room Sasha could see the Springer’s house. It had a window and in the window she could see Connie’s room.

 

_just like on tele_

 

Sasha stood in the window and shook her strawberry ass, occasionally turning around to see if Connie saw her.

*dad passes room*

"This is y u have no frenz,"

"F u dad," sasha wispers. _better not speak up of you'll get a woopin_

 

Sometimes Sasha liked to visit Connie because he was nice to her.

Not hard to imagine someone befriending such a weird Pocky eater, because actually Connie was fuckin weird too but to Sasha he was a perfect prince.

 

_just like on tele_

Springer didn't appreciate the free live action booty view, so Sasha put on real clothes and swaggered across the pond and knocked on Connie's door with a box of banana flavored Pocky.

knock.

*door opens*

"EHHHHHH MY N****!!" Connie

(jk huh y would prince charming say dat don't let no white boy that says that word near your live action booty gurl, cherish dat booty gurl don't let him wife u)

This is what Connie actually said:

"Hey, Sasha."

Sasha smiled all dumb like. "!!!"

"Sure, come on in. I was just watching Hell's Kitchen." Connie said.

yea.

he's........ Charming ; )

"-'@/&/@/'£\€]^]*!" Sasha said. She blushed a little. *covers mouth*

!!!!! _kawaii_ !!!!!?  <3 \\(^~^)/

* * *

 

Sashipants sat on the couch with her hands on her lap all awkward and Connie sat next to her hella chill.

"So..... What brings you to these parts?" Connie asked in a lamebutcute Texas accent.

*KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIII*

"I brought you some Pocky." Sasha handed him the Pocky.

(Cut to clip of Connie adding his Pocky gift to a cabinet full of uneaten Pocky gifts)

_"I don't eat foreign food mom, I SWEAR. YES I DID CHECK FOR SHARDS OF GLASS. YES I DID CHECK FOR GLUTEN."_

.. .. .. . . . .Anyway

"What are you doing this summer, Connie? Will we be seeing each other?" Sasha asked with her usual heavy dose of desparation.

Connie looked away from Gordon Ramsay and right at Pocky Girl.

"Unfortunaltely not," Connie said. "I'm going to boyband camp."

wueeeeet

Sahsa turned to Playdough. Not in a good way. Pudding is the good way. Although both are fun (and rather tasty wink wink)

"Yea. Lame, I know. Actually though, I think boy bands are cool." Connie said.

_I shant question prince charming,_

Sasha lost herself in Connie's big, gray, beautiful, practically bald skull.

_Golly gee he's a looker._

__

Sasha Blouse knew what she had to do. Boyband camp, huh?

Say no more.

This tiny detail could not interrupt her goal for some summa lovin.

"What's the name of the camp ?"

* * *

 

Lol you never figure out the camp name. Fuckyou aha ; )

anway Sasha signed herself up as Mr. Sacha Blouse and used her money that she had been saving for college to enroll herself in boy band camp.

"Dad, girl band camp." (Lie 1)

"Cool, get out asap." Dad said.

"Ok. I'm S-a-s-h-a Blouse for the next three weeks, Dad." (Lie 2. Not Sasha. Sacha.)

"Ok cool. Like I said, get out a-s-a-p."

And so the adventure begins. Into the unknown. Unknown territory and unknown romantic outcomes if any at all

Seriously.

Cereal-sly

* * *

 

The night before camp, Sasha watched _Mulan_ twice, read the fourth volume of _Kaze Hikaru_ on Mangahere, and watched an episode of _Coffee Prince_ on Dramafever.

media preparation for genderbenderlife steps 1-3 complete.

Prepare the chest wrapping process. Poor boobs.

Good thing they're small. Now I don't have to buy a fat suit.

Sasha cut her ponytail. For Connie.

_No makeup never again short hair don’t care itty bitty titty committee winin tonite_

In the end, she didn’t really look like a boy.

She could pass as transgender.

 

* * *

 

Day one as transgender Sacha wasn’t as bad as she… he expected.

She got roomed with this cute freckled kid

“What’s your name?” Sasha asked, trying out her boyish Sacha voice.

“Marco Bott,” Roomie said.

“Oh, cool. cool…. cool….”

“I can tell you’re a girl.”

Sasha froze and then scrambled to the top bunk and hid inside her sleeping bag.

_maybe if I go to sleep it will be gone by the morning_

It wasn’t.

Roomie thought Sasha was weird. She felt weird. Everything was weird. She was with a bunch of guys at a camp just to be with this one guy  who some how was not supposed to recognize her.

Sasha was lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling when the thought came to her:

_How is Connie gonna fall in love with me if I’m a boy????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????_

She sat up in bed in a state of panic. The room below her looked so cold and unforgiving.

FUCKKKN KN KANKANDKANDKANFL

Marco came back into their room from the showers and closed the door behind him.

Sasha fell back onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

“That made me self-conscious…” Marco muttered. But he was just kidding

because Sasha

heard

the towel

drop

She blushed.

_I should make Marco feel uncomfortable now that he's butt nekked._

“Just so you know, I hope you’re cool with me being trans.”

That sentence was weird

“Oh. Wow, is that what you’re telling everyone now, Seizaburo?” *

Everyone reads manga in this world, k

“Wow, you’re rude.” Sasha said.

“And you’re a chick. Way too uncomfortable looking to be trans. It’s obvious. Yes, I am a guy, yes I have a dick, yes you are surrounded by dicks at this camp. Ok, now that that’s in the clear, stop acting like everyone has purple skin and try to actually blend.” Marco said.

“Gee, that was harsh but actually thanks a lot Roomie.” Sasha said.

“No problem,”

She heard a zipper.

zzzzssisiitititit

Sasha sat up and looked down and all she saw was a flat white booty because Marco is tan but he’s not like a fucking piece of toast ok

“Hahahahahaha got you!” Marco said, shaking his flat white booty.

Sasha hid back under her sleeping bag and flipped around like a dead fish.

 

_Yep. We’re obviously gonna be best friends._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: the dreaded actual boy band stuff (for me as a writer and for the protagonists)
> 
> * the whole Marco calling Sasha 'Seizaburo' : That's a refrence to Kaze Hikaru, which is this really good historical series and yea the protagonist is a girl named Sei that disguises her self as a boy named Kamiya Seizaburo. the end.


	3. "Eren" Jeager

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so maybe not actual boy band stuff, but lots of nice things anyway this is not fast paced ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this without editing it sorry if it's ratchet, I'll edit later. 
> 
> I just wanted to post this asap because college stuff has been pulling me away from fan fiction ok get used to that sorry. 
> 
> thanks for liking my writing!

Armin woke up late in the morning and went to the shower and it was empty.  
Thank God.  
Except suddenly he heard a shower turn on.  
"Armin?" It was Jeager.  
"How'd you know?" Armin asked, feeling better already.  
"There's a mirror duh," Jeager said.  
"Oh."

Armin went into the shower next to Jeager's and took off his towel. It felt weird to be naked right next to his new friend. Armin stood there looking at his flip flops. The pink tiled floor made him feel like an untied shoe lace.

Public showers: one of the uglier things about life.

The water was cold even when he turned it to hot. Lukewarm. Disgusting. Jeager must have heard Armin's emo sighs of dismay.

"My shower has hot water." Jeager said.

"Lucky."

Armin looked at his feet again as he rubbed soap on his arms.

Jeager's long, ugly foot peeked out from under the wall dividing them. He poked Armin's ankle.  
"Heeyyyy Armin," he sang.  
"Wut" ?  
"come in my shower, bby,"  
Armin knew he was joking but he felt his heart swim down into his abdomen and back up to his chest and it gave him goosebumps.  
"I heard you shiver." Jeager said.  
"How can you hear something like that over the water?"  
"I have bionic ears. They're super powerful, just like my pelvis."  
"K,"

Careless.

Jeager's water turned off.  
Armin, being a natural follower, turned his water off as well. He couldn't take much more of it anyway.

Jeager's shower stall door closed and Armin heard his flip flops slapping around.

"You let me down, Armin Arlert."

"Wueeeee ? t?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Pervert."

Jeager laughed. It was that careless straightboy laugh, because Jeager was just a careless straight boy.

"Jeager?" Armin asked.

"What?"

"What's your first name?"

The flip flop slapping started again and Armin watched Jeager's ugly feet disappear from his line of vision under the stall door. Armin stared down at himself.

I love you, penis

"Eren," Jeager

"A a r o n?"  
"No, E r e n."  
"Oh."

*the sound of teeth being brushed*

Armin's chest was still covered in soap. He turned his gross shower back on and tried to imagine what Eren Jeager must have looked like in that shower beside him.

 

* * *

 

Armin got split up from Jeager again.

They were assigned their 'perfomance groups' instead of getting to choose.

Stupid Smith. Smith was one of the camp leaders. His name was Erwin Smith, but he wanted to go by Smith.

The only woman at the camp was Petra, another camp leader. Armin was 100% sure every one wanted some of dat ass.

Hell, he kind of did.

Anyway Petra was better and she made good groups, but Smith made stupid groups. Like he just HAD to put Armin in a group with his fuccboi roommate, Jean Kirstenstein.

Armin's group consisted of Jean, this kid named Marco, and a weird looking awkward guy named Sacha. It was pretty lame.

One of the members of Eren's group was a really hot, mysterious looking guy in a black hoodie. Armin recognized him as Jeager's roommate and he was suddenly HELLS JELS.

ah hell. I'm stuck with these tools and Eren gets his hot roomie. They'll be making careless straight boy jokes in no time.

 

* * *

 

Sasha wasn't in Connie's group.

She watched him happily interacting with his group. Without her. He hadn't even noticed Sasha that day.

She had a plan now, too.

Talk to him  
He'll notice  
He'll know  
It'll be our secret  
Fuck behind the garbage

Maybe somewhere more sanitary, idk damn

mini He-Man kept staring.

Sasha stared back.  
Mini He-Man flinched, but surprisngly, didn't look away.

He didn't look it, but this kid was actually strong.

"You're pretty," mini He-Man said.  
!  
Did he suspect????

Sasha narrowed her eyes at him.  
Mini He-Man scowled. "A thank you would be greatly appreciated."

 

* * *

 

What a twat.  
A cute one at that.  
Not cuter than Eren, though.

 

* * *

 

"Thanks." Sasha said. She tried to smile but it felt weird and crinkled up her face, so she just frowned.

The meet and greet was interrupted by nice and pretty Petra.

"K dudez, one of your group members has an assignment paper. Go to your designated practice area and get started. You have 1 hour go go gp ho hpnbjpngop!"

How enthusiastic. Hmm.

Sasha wondered why Petra wanted to work with the boys.

 

* * *

 

Eren looked at his group as a whole. "Who has the assignment paper, um !!??"

Everyone just looked at him.

Buzzcut kid smiled why the frick u smile for boy?

Then Eren saw the tiny emo kid with the paper in his hand.

"Uh, yea." Emo kid said.  
"Jesus, Eren stop trying to lead, Jesus." Big n Tall Reiner said.  
"Am nottt." Eren protested.  
"Come on girls, our practice area is in the cafeteria. Grody." Emo kid said.  
"No wait, Reiner gave me an idea." Eren said with high amounts of sass. "Let's introduce ourselves first. How about age, name..."  
"How about just name and let's get this over with," Little Emo butted in.

Fuckin 'ell

"I'm Levi Ackerman, you next." Levi Ackerman/Little Emo said. He poked Eren.

Gonna destroy this motherfucker,

"Eren Jeager."  
"Reiner Reiner,"  
"Bertholt Reiner. I mean Bertholt Bertholt."  
"Connie Springer."  
"Great, that's 5. Let's bounce cupcakes, follow me." Levi Ackerman led the way to the dining hall.

He looked down at the assigment paper:

Come up with a 2 minute song about a particular plants that includes syncronized dance moves.

Ah hell.


	4. lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes so this is my senior year, so get ready for lots of pauses. I'm also starting my school musical too, which is like serious business. thanks for still caring and giving me kudos! :)

Levi knew he was better than everyone at everything. How would these worms be able to keep up?

Out of the corner of his wasian eye, Levi noticed Eren, at least three inches taller, thin, not especially strong looking, with poo colored hair and big ass green eyes. Like huge. Like why should anyone's eyes be that big?

tbh, I don’t wanna work with anyone. fuck ya’ll no talent havin asses

Everyone was pretty stupid and they didn’t even like talk about music instead they talked about girls, which Levi was like idgaf about that stuff

“We have to visit the girls, obvi.” Eren said.

damn

bisexuals exist

Levi thought of telling everyone to listen up but instead he wrote a song of his own.

fuck them go visit girls for all I care

Levi started writing.

 

* * *

 

performance time.

There was a little stage for performances in the middle of the camp and everyone went there.

“ok Levi’s group”

skmmsdsm

“Yea, Levi’s group.” Levi said.

“waitshitfuck we didn’t do anything.” Connie whispered.

“Duh, Levi’s handling it.” Levi said.

They all went on stage.

There were five mics lined up for them, which almost made Levi laugh.

  
“Are you ready for this dn dn dn dn dn dnnn dn dndndndn dnd dnd dnd dn.”

In the audience, everyone blushed. what a guy. sugoi!!1!111 kawaii!!!111111!!111

“I’m Leeeevi. cold as hell complex napoleon f u. I got two eyes. my daddy is rich and my mama is blind jk. that ain’t accurate, dgaf about nothin  i’m a stud. in black and white. I suck sugardaddy cock and I eat my greens so I’m healthy. and I look it too I got 16 packs fuck anythin less. I’m wasian. germanjapanese. obviously cuz this world is biased and if i’m asian i’m japanese. my last name. is not rivalle. das wickety wickety wack kissmyass ok i’m out.”

Levi kicked the mic and it fell off the stage which made Smith scream.

“LEVI! See me in my camp office rn!!! everyone else sit down and see me after Levi returns. That was TRASH!”

“I’ve never heard Smith so mad! There were no plants or dancing in that performance… Hope the rest of you followed da roolz.,” Petra said, scrambling to the stage with her fox colored hair and face. “Who wants to go next?”

But that’s boring so I’m skipping it.

next scene.

* * *

 

Levi’s group sat at lunch away from him bc awkward.

“Hmmm. so that was a disaster, huh?” Eren said.

He only really talked to Connie because Bertholt and Reiner were pretty exclusive.

“Yea.” Connie said. “If only we didn’t just talk about girls.”

Reiner actually said something. “Forreal though, are we gonna do that? Visit the girls.”

“Hell yea. During our independent time tonight. I say we do it. Connie said he has connections.” Eren said.

“I do.” - Connie

“Like what?” Reiner asked, incredulous.

Connie jerked his head in the direction of another table. Eren saw Armin at that table. He immediately imagined the image of Armin’s naked ass that he had created for himself that morning.

“Armin!” Eren called. “Come here.”

Connie looked right at Sasha. Sasha turned red as a mofo beet

“Sacha,” Connie mouthed.

She got up, nearly tripping over her own feet. He knew it Sacha was Sasha.

Armin and Sacha left Marco and Jean alone at the table, and they looked kind of relieved to be alone.

“This is my friend Sacha,” Connie said, giving her a knowing look. “He’s my neighbor.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH neighbors!” Bertholt said.

“Sssh,”

"So Sacha," Eren said. "You have connections in the girls camp? Someone that would be willing to get us in??,:/272"

Sasha stammered. She looked at Connie. He wanted to see girls. Girl girls. Girls that weren't HER/HIM

Fmmmmmmmmmmmm

L!!2!2!&

"Sacha...?" Connie

"Shutthehellup Con Con Springs." Sasha said. "Ok look. My ex and I are still cool she is at the girls camp rn ima text her and b like meet me halfway up mkay? Bring some sexi friendz mkay?"

Connie smiled at Sasha, but not the sexy ilysm smile she wanted. It was more like: you're good at lyin hahhaaha but i don't wanna fuck u regardless ;)

 

* * *

 

So during Independent hours which was only two hours, Sasha led Eren, Connie, Armin, and Reiner to the spot in the woods where her "ex" would meet them.

"Finally i can get sum boot boot from a real girl with a real vag yeaahh." Reiner said.

"I thought you were a giant homo??????????" Connie said.

"No."

"Btdubz where's Bertie?"

"I ditched him. He was listening to that lowlife Marco play on his guitar."

"Ohhhh. Coolcool chill truetrue."

Then they all stopped walking and there was a shiny little halo of blond hair floating towards them. The girl was the smallest of small and Reiner wanted to bang her upside down.

"This is my friend Histori- Krista." Sasha said. Krista had recently got a name change for like no reason (!!!!1!1!1!?) but it was hard to not trip up.

"Historikrista." Connie said. He used an actual attempt at a sexy smile that he never used with Sasha OR Sacha. "How exotic."

Krista made a face. "Yea, ok. Just so you know errrrrrybody in this camp is gay as hell. Like literally we eat pussy."

Poor kitties,  Reiner thought.

Krista and Sasha took the lead and led the guys to the halfway point.

"So you're a dude now?" Krista whispered.

"Not irl just itdbc." Sasha said. "I still go by Sasha, just an alternate spelling."

"What's itdbc??"

"In this dumb band camp."

"KAWAIII!" Krista screamed.

Sasha jumped. She had forgotten about Krista's "joyful" outbursts.

"LOOK! GIRLS!" Reiner cried.

"STFU ReiRei!!!" Connie said.

Indeed. There were

Girls.

Four of them. They had hair and boobies and pretty faces. Girls breakin hearts dn dn dnd bd dd she got me snddndndndndnd but she's seventeen.

"These r my friendz Ymir (tall, dark, sexy like the way a horse is sexy with freckles), Annie (scary but hot, big nose, bigger boobs), Mikasa (dark hair, probably mixed, dead eyes that make u wanna wife her on the spot), and Hange (how u pronounce that???)."

"Wooooooow look at our selection!!!" Reiner said, like an inbred twat.

(Reiner, I'm antagonizing you.)

When Sasha saw Hange, she wished she could get that look. She couldn't tell if Hange was a guy or a girl. They were flat chested enough to be a guy but proportioned enough to be a girl??

"You guys didn't bring Levi?? Where's Levi? I was told Ackerman 2.0 would be here!!?!?" Hange cried. Ohshit. A dramaqueen (dramaqueen is genderneutral idc how u look at it everyone is a mofo queen)

"Levi is getting fucked by his camp counselor." Eren said. "Any questions?"

Hange started crying. Ew gtfo my face pls.

"I'm Ackerman 2.0 btw. Levi is 1.0 in this situation bebz." Mikasa said. Her voice were as dead as her eyes.

"So which one of you ladies wants to take a ride on the Reindeer sleigh???" Reiner said.

"Literally, fuck reindeer. I don't hear any on my roof on christmas eve. All I hear is impending danger." Annie said. "Like literally, fuck.... titans..."

"I have." Reiner said, looking Annie into the eyes.

Annie winked.

Reiner blushed and clutched his heart. He fell to the ground. "et tu, brute."

“So, what brings you guys here? Surely not to get some booty, cuz we’re all gay.” Ymir said.

“Especially Ymir,” Krista said.

They looked at each other. ew.

“Lesbians are totally hot,” Eren said.

Armin looked really sad. At least he kind of looked like a lesbian anyway.

AM I HOT, EREN YEAGER????

Armin thought, if he showed Eren his booty, maybe Eren would fall in love with him.

* * *

 

When Armin went back to his cabin, he had a counseling session with Jean.

“Jean, do I look like a lesbian?”

“Stop talking to me fagget.”

“Watch yr mouth.”

“Yea you do look like a lesbian. Just grow some boobies.”

“Eren Jeager likes lesbians.”

“So?”

“I like Eren Jeager.”

Jean was silent. Armin heard him rustling in his blankets.

“I’M TELLING.” Jean whispered loudly.

 **  
  
**_Armin sat in the dark all scared. pls don’t tell jean._


	5. Stuff Goes Down (Kinda)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff goes down. Stuff that needed to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me almost a month to update. I've been busy trying to get back into school and Seussical rehearsal and being ill. Sorry! I didn't drop this story completely! :)

This one isn't as dumb, but it's still pretty dumb.

 

Armin missed yaoi, and Sasha missed Connie. Armin had Eren, and Connie wasn't far, so what were theyy waiting for huh???

* * *

 

On saturday there was a dancing workshop and Connie was actually kind of good. Sasha barely tried, instead she just looked at Con Cons a lot.

_He was so bald and sexy._

Connie noticed Sasha looking at him and he smirked.

Sasha wanted to smirk back but her stomach did tons of flips and her ears burned.

"Good job," Connie said during lunch. He joined Sasha at her lonely table near the door.

"Me?? You were good." She said.

"Yea but you're not even yourself. You're pretending to be a guy and pretending to dance AND pretending to not be staring at me." Connie said.

Sasha's ears were red, and Connie took note of them. 

"You cut your hair," Connie noticed. He reached out super slowly.

You gon touch it???? Sasha thought.

She practically leaned in his direction so he would touch her hair.

"It's nice, though." Connie said.

"Th-thank..." Sash sash stammered. 

"Hey, can I sit here?" It was Armin. He looked super irritated.

Sasha was super irritated-er than him. Cockblockin aryan bunny buns.  

"Mmmhmmmmmmmm." Sasha dragged out.

"I didn't know we were all friends. Connie said.

_Had he been enjoying alone time too?!?!?!_

"Me neither." Sasha muttered into her mac n cheese.

Sasha didn't know the kind of day Armin had though, and why he needed to chill forreal, or he would explode.

 

* * *

 

First there was Levi.

Armin had been looking all over for Eren and then he heard him behind the dumpster. He was too loud. There was another voice too, a grumbling gloomy one.  

Armin knew it was Levi. Levi had a way of getting what he wanted.

"Don't tell anyone, ok?" Armin heard Levi say between mouth fulls of DICK.

!!!!!1!!11!1

#nsfw or five year olds

Armin was carrying a pet rock that he found in the woods and dropped it on the ground. Just to make jealousbitchnoise.

Eren quieted down.

"You're the loudest boy I've ever done, Jesus, Jeager. You've alerted the civilians." Levi said.

Levi appeared around the corner then, wiping his mouth and zipping up his black hoodie over his camp shirt.

Armin went around the corner and saw Eren against the wall. He was totally pink. Armin caught  him as he  awkwardly shoved his junk back into his sweatpants.

For some reason, even though getting a blowjob from Levi sounded pretty gross (because Levi sucked everyone's dick), Eren's pink face was so endearing.

"Keep your rocks to yourself." Eren said.

"Keep your _moans_ to yourself," Armin said.

Eren took a deep breath and exhaled.

" _You're totally jealous_."

Armin just stuttured a bunch like a stupid sheep.  

 

"Come here," Eren said.

 

Armin went. He was about to protest his behavior again, but before he coud, Eren had his hands on Armin's shoulders. Eren hands were wide and still hot from Levi.

Armin thought for sure that Eren was going to kiss him or something, but instead he started to touch Armin's neck and hair and down his arms and forearms. Never did he touch Armin's face, hands, or anything else.

Eren's touches scorched him. They felt better than any kiss.

Then Eren leaned into Armin's ear, just barely grazing the other boy's neck with his lips. "Wanna have a threesome with us?"

Armin jolted back. "N-no. I'm not even into Levi. Besides, he smells like cigarettes"

"Your nipples are totally hard through that shirt." Eren said.

"Stop looking there." Armin said. He furrowed his eyebrows.

Eren pouted.

 

"So, you're gay?" Armin asked.

"Nah, not really." Eren said.

"I want to try it." Armin said.

"Try what?"

"What Levi did..."

Eren flushed. Armin loved the way he seemed to unfold when he was turned on. Eren reminded him of a white flower that turned pink when it bloomed.

"You never seemed interested in me before," Armin mumbled.

Armin knew he ruined evertrhing when he opened his mouth, but he was unfolding too.

"It's not you in particular. I just like feeling good." Eren said. "No offense, though."

Armin stepped back a little. He felt super stupid as hell.

"Oops." Eren said.

"I really don't care. I-I feel the same way."

Armin lied.

"Oh?"

"Mmhm. Levi didn't finish, did he? Let me."

Eren leaned back against the wall. Then he slid down onto the ground. "My legs are tired."

Armin's hands began to shake.

"Please don't look at me." Armin said. 

Eren took it out and it was just there, waiting for Armin. What an intimidating piece of meat.

_I ain't watched enough yaoi to prepare me for this moment._

"I might suck at this..." Armin said as Eren closed his eyes.  

Eren smirked. "That's the plan."

_U got jokes, boi._

It didn't take long. Eren was too loud again. Armin pressed his hand over Eren's mouth.

 Eren moved Armin's hand. "Jean said that you  _like_ me." He breathed. "Use your hand too, ok?"

Armin pulled him out. "Sssh!" His cheeks were hot. Then he covered Eren's mouth again, even though he liked the noises. 

Eren apparently enjoyed having his mouth covered. The harder Armin pressed, the more he unfolded. His eyes bore into the top of Armin's head.

After ten seconds of using his hand, Eren was dripping down Armin's fingers. Armin took off his sweatshirt and used it to wipe his hand and face.

Eren was just looking at him. "I could feel your hand shaking." His eyes were sleepy. "Was that your first go? Not bad, Arlert."

"Yea. I barely did anything to you. Not all that I wanted to, anyway." Armin said.

Eren's green eyes widened. "I'm always here. You can do whatever."

Armin started to stand up, but Eren pulled him down and tried to kiss him.

Armin ducked his head to avoid the kiss.

"Hmm?" Eren pouted. "I wanted to reward you... You've got my love juice on your clothes." 

Armin frowned. 

_Prick._

"I don't know what you did to Levi." Armin said.

He got up on shaky legs and went to his cabin without saying goodbyen He felt dirty. He wanted to shower before lunch. 

Even though he liked Eren Jeager, and he liked his noises, the encounter put him in a shitty mood. He felt used af. He felt used and he couldn't ignore the fact that Eren's touches left burns.   

 

Armin didn't tell Sacha or Connie any of that at lunch, of course. He just ate his applesauce in silence. 

 

* * *

 

Sasha decided she had to tell Connie everything, even though Armin was there.

"Connie, you know why I'm here?" She asked.

"I dunno, girls' camp was too full?" Connie asked.

"No, because you. I cut my hair because of you, I watched Mulan because of you." Sasha said.

"Why thank you."

"No, Connie!"

"No?"

"No! It's not that simple."

"I'm confuszkdekd?"

"I wanna hav ur babeiz!"

" _Oh shit!_ "

" _Oh shit_."

Armin blew bubbles in his milk carton.

 

During free time that evening, Eren laid back on his sleeping bag and covered his own mouth when Levi kissed his neck. It turned pink when he bloomed.

 

During free time that evening, Jean, Connie, and Bertholt visited the hot lesbians again. Sasha just went to sleep feeling really stupid.

 

During free time that evening, Armin took another shower, and Jean called him a faggot. 


End file.
